You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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