I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
