nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No subtext here. People are naked.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
