so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
