Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
