Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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