I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
