Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
