What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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