Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
