R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
