I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize