I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
