6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
