Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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