So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
