my vag is so smooth its legendary
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
