I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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