that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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