stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
