I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
