I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
