I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
