At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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