the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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