He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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