I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
