me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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