I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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