Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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