Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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