I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
