i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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