All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize