If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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