Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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