im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize