He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My vagina just recognized that song.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
