id be glad to
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
