What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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