don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
