marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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