Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
