I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
