yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
