I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize