He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
