these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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