Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
