I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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