my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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