It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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