but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
