I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
