Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
