I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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