It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize