Porn is love you can see.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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