This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize