Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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