i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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