Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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