my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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