is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
