In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
