your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
