...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
