He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
