There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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