He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
