You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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