can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
