Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
