I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
