the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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