I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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