Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
