Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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