if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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