Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
